


Wade Wilson Strips for a Blind Man

by lucy2



Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Crack Relationships, Crossover, M/M, Social Media, Texting, Twitter, karen and peter are disappointed but supportive, twitter is excited, wade just wants matt to experience the epic highs and lows of stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24763279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy2/pseuds/lucy2
Summary: camtheman: all i’m saying is that “just friends” don’t strip dance for each other.MattMurdock: Oh.deapdool: now he gets it?!or, The Story of How Matt Murdock Gets a Clue, as told through Twitter and Private Messaging
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Karen Page, Matt Murdock/Wade Wilson, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 123





	Wade Wilson Strips for a Blind Man

**Author's Note:**

> uh hi i’m lucy and i write twitter crack that nobody will read

**wade** @ _deapdool_

hi how do i help a blind guy experience the joys of strip dancing

3.1 million likes900k retweets

**jane** @ _janegame_

well. what a tweet to wake up to.

**karen** @ _pageme_

ksdfghl is this about matt?

**wade** @ _deapdool_

yes. it is at r a v e s t ythat somebody as attractive as him can’t appreciate the way a good body looks : (

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

Wade, this really isn’t necessary.

**wade** @ _deapdool_

yes it is. now i would appreciate some input here, since i know 3.1 million people have seen my tweet : )

**weasel** @ _thatsconfidential_

oh, no. he’s busting out the smiley faces. that means he’s serious.

**jason** @ _jaybirdd_

you could describe what you’re doing in detail??

**wade** @ _deapdool_

hmm i am very good at talking, but i’m pretty sure he’s already read porn & i wanna introduce him to something new.

**Foggy** @ _FogNelson_

He likes touching. You should use that.

**wade** @ _deapdool_

tysm for the advice, foggy, and i will do us both a favor by not asking how you know this.

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

I’m disabling my text to speech.

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

i can’t tell if this is hilarious or traumatizing 

**wade** @ _deapdool_

you know i love you, spidey, but please get off this thread 

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

gladly

**lee** @ _drleslie_

hasn’t deadpool, like, murdered dozens of people?

**wade** @ _deapdool_

hush now, vanessa, i’m in the middle of something 

**lee** @ _drleslie_

i-who is vanessa?

**karen** @ _pageme_

i’ve learned it’s best to just ignore him

**wade** @ _deapdool_

heyyyy @ _MattMurdock_ would you like to come over to my apartment for reasons that have nothing to do with this thread??

**cam** @ _camtheman_

omg man you’ve gotta say yes

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

Do I really have a choice?

**wade** @ _deapdool_

i will be very sad if you say no but ofc you have a choice because Consent is Sexy, kids at home, and fan fiction such as this one often gloss over consent issues

**karen** @ _pageme_

just smile and nod, everybody

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

....I’ll be there in fifteen.

* * *

_ private conversation between  _ kare bear _ and  _ THE DEVIL

kare bear: matt this is amazing

THE DEVIL: What?

kare bear: you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for this to happen

THE DEVIL: Waiting for what to happen?

kare bear: you and wade getting together, obviously 

THE DEVIL: We aren’t getting together, Karen

kare bear: i-

kare bear: then what exactly is gonna happen?

THE DEVIL: I believe the term is “bro’s helping bro’s”. I’m more interested in seeing if Wade can pull it off than the actual stripping. 

kare bear: so you’re telling me you aren’t interested in wade at all??

THE DEVIL: It doesn’t matter if I’m interested. This is just one of Wade’s boredom induced experiments. 

kare bear: you’re an idiot, matt.

THE DEVIL: Well, yes, but why?

kare bear: i’d send you the eye-rolling emoji, but i know siri would have to read it to to you, and it just isn’t the same. i am rolling my eyes at you though, you need to know that.

THE DEVIL: read ✓ 3:47pm

kare bear: this app doesn’t send read receipts

* * *

**cam** @ _camtheman_

i can’t believe a lawyer is gonna get together with a mercenary. i ship it <3

678k likes 900 retweets

**karen** @ _pageme_

i’ve been informed by party one that they aren’t getting together 

**wade** @ _deapdool_

they aren’t? : (

**karen** @ _pageme_

he used the phrase bro’s helping bro’s. 

**Foggy** @ _FogNelson_

What an Idiot

**karen** @ _pageme_

that’s what i said

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

i’m sorry your boyfriend is so stupid, wade.

**kali** @ _shawarma_

we stan supportive friends xoxo

**spideypool** @ _shipperunashamed_

murdock knows that spidey pool is the true otp <3

**wade** @ _deapdool_

1)nobody uses the term otp unironically anymore and 2) spiderman is a spiderboy young enough to be my son

**wade** @ _deapdool_

unless we’re talking about garfield in the last movie, in that case it’s not as creepy

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

what....who is garfield......

**wade** @ _deapdool_

don’t worry, tom, you blew him out of the water

**wade** @ _deapdool_

oop gotta go matt’s here : )

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

gosh he’s difficult sometimes 

* * *

_ private conversation between  _ beter _ and  _ kare bear

beter: matt’s into wade, right?

kare bear: obviously 

kare bear: wade’s into matt, right?

beter: obviously

beter: think they’re gonna talk about their feelings like adults?

kare bear: of course not

beter: ugh, men

kare bear: i-

kare bear: whatever, the sentiment’s there

* * *

**kate** @ _hawkeyee_

so......how long does the average strip dance take??

300k likes 500 retweets

**clint** @ _hawkguy_

why on earth do you need to know??

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

shhh, clint, just ignore it

**Foggy** @ _FogNelson_

Definitely not this long.

**sara** @ _withnoh_

uwu maybe they actually talked out their emotions uwu

**karen** @ _pageme_

pshhh, yeah right

**john** @ _blakepd_

i have no idea who either of these guys are, but i am very invested in their relationship

**sophie** @ _sophkyl_

aren’t we all

**just shut up** @ _mirandahobbs_

maybe we should stop snooping into other peoples personal lives?

**jane** @ _janegame_

the majority of us woke up to deadpool asking for advice on how to strip dance for a blind guy, it is our god given right to snoop

**weasel** @ _thatsconfidential_

she speaks the truth

**amanda** @ _boobebabo_

bahaha #BlindBlowJobs is trending. stan twitter is chaotic.

**shellie** @ _shesellsshells_

if anybody’s gonna give that guy a blowjob, he’s gonna have to be blind. have you seen him?

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

cancel culture is toxic but please cancel this person 

* * *

**shellie** @ _shesellsshells_

spiderman sicced his attack dogs on me this isn’t fair

300 likes12 retweets

**kara!** @ _biderman_

it isn’t fair how you would judge

somebody based on the way they look:/. especially considering you look like that

**shellie** @ _shesellsshells_

hypocrite 

**anna** @ _bethbaby_

ableist <3

**shellie** @ _shesellsshells_

it was a joke damn

**miles** @ _moralesman_

sometimes people are raised to believe that putting others down is funny, but it really hurts, especially when it’s about something you can’t control. how would you feel if i said no man will want you because your hair is as thin as most men’s pubes?

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

asdfghjkl harsh miles, but thanks for defending wade’s honor 

**shellie** @ _shesellsshells_

ugh i’ll delete the tweet jesus. i’m sorry you people can’t take a joke.

**kara!** @ _spideystan_

aww she didn’t even learn anything :/

* * *

**wade** @ _deapdool_

hi i am Back and Better Than Ever except i’m actually pretty sad but at least i’m Back, right?

2.5 million likes 756k retweets

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

aww, wade : (

**jane** @ _janegame_

i guess that means they didn’t talk about their feelings

**john** @ _blakepd_

disappointing, truly

**Foggy** @ _FogNelson_

Did he at least enjoy the show?

**wade** @ _deapdool_

oh he enjoyed it plenty ;(

**wade** @ _thatsconfidential_

jesus even his winks are sad

**kate** @ _hawkeyee_

it’ll be ok, wade. there are plenty of blind lawyers in the sea.

**karen** @ _pageme_

i can’t believe i wasted 87% of my battery so twitter could run in the background for this to happen. 

**jen** @ _jennifyr_

everybody we need to cheer wade up:/ sad mercenaries are probably not very safe.

**cam** @ _camtheman_

oh i can’t stand this

* * *

**cam** @ _camtheman_

@ _MattMurdock_ explain yourself.

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

What did I do?

**cam** @ _camtheman_

you ruined the perfect get together moment

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

Elaborate, please.

**spidey** @ _spiderman_

oh god, he’s stupid too

**cam** @ _camtheman_

look, all i’m saying is that “just friends” don’t think about giving each other a strip tease first thing in the morning.

**Matt** @ _MattMurdock_

... Oh.

**wade** @ _deapdool_

_now_ he gets it?!

**karen** @ _pageme_

believe me, we’re all just as disappointed as you are.

**cam** @ _camtheman_

i believe you two need to talk.

* * *

_ private conversation between  _ THE DEVIL _ and  _ big mouth

THE DEVIL: I am sorry for being an idiot

big mouth: i’ll forgive you if you go buy condoms :D

THE DEVIL: ... be right back.

* * *

**tim** @ _timdrake_

is....is nobody gonna ask how a blind lawyer and mutant mercenary crossed paths???

**tim** @ _timdrake_

ok then.

**Author's Note:**

> it’s time to play: guess how many dc references i crammed into this sucker!
> 
> also
> 
> please leave comments and kudos i haven’t had any social interaction in three months.


End file.
